The voice shouted at me in the middle of the night. I was walking away, my eyes deep with tears. I couldnt help him. There was nothing I could do. His name is Antoine, and he is sleeping on Skid Row tonight. Im sure of that. He disrespected the missions for what they had done to his friends, and he worked daily just to smoke a blunt. He was tired, hungry, broken, and homeless. He saw my dreadlocks and immeadiately started up a conversation about Bob Marley.
"Why do you want to be Bob Marley?"
I just chuckled, "I'm not that big of a Marley fan, its actually my personal motivation to stay pure."
"To stay pure from what?" He smiled and laughed at me. He was on something, whether it was grass, or "cavies"...I dont know. But something was distorting his view of reality.
"To abstain from impure things."I answered, knowing he would never understand.
"ok, Bob."
We went on to talk about money and understanding the need for help and sustinance. "I dont need anything! Look at me man!" He laughed and danced in the street. I did look at him, and my heart was in pain. It looked as if he hadnt eaten in months and all he had done with his money was smoke, even his clothing was torn.
But soon after his laughter, he began to cry. He hadnt seen his daughter in years. He didnt know how long it had been.
"I want to help her, teach her, you know. But I'm just a struggla. I struggle at everythin. There is notin I can do right."
I went on to ask him about his past and how he got to the street, and i looked at him square in the face and said, "Listen Antione, you better not lie to me, if drugs got you here, you tell me drugs. Dont polish it my friend. Im no tourist to the streets. Ive had my fair share of time in the lows."
When he cried I cried, and when he laughed I laughed. I prayed for him and told him that I loved him and would visit him more.
-In light of that story, I want you, the readers to understand my failure. This happened months ago. I wrote it down in my journal from the day that i was in skid row for several meetings. i hadnt looked back on it, in light of trying to work on my film. It wasnt till tonight that i read this again. I am torn to think that i havent seen him in so long. If you decide that you want to help the homeless you must be consistent. I can no longer use the excuse that School is more important than another humans life. I have been given enough time to do both, and the life of Antoine should be of more concern to me than getting my diploma. So I will soon visit skid row again, with or without a camera to see my friends there and to be there for them in any need they may have that I can provide. I hope you have learned my lesson without living it.
Caleb Childers
Malachi Films